Taking Marriage Personally
Merry Christmas / Happy Hanukah / Happy Solstice to all of you!
It appears that both sides have come out swinging: pro-Prop 8 people want your marriages nullified and California’s Attorney General Jerry Brown has requested that Prop 8 be overturned.
There are many venues where we can continue to work on gay equality: politically, culturally, spiritually.
Politically, the gay community is very angered by Obama’s pick for the inaugural prayer Rick Warren. Because of where we’re positioned in this struggle for marriage equality, I totally get it.
Culturally and religiously, various groups keep claiming a Straight Trademark or Patent on the Institution of Marriage. I’ve contacted the patent office and have looked up copyrights & I can’t seem to find the evidence…
I understand that we have to be our own best allies in this struggle and I advocate that we continue to do that–speak up as Join The Impact and the Courage Campaign have done since the election, show up at marches and vigils, be vocal and visible.
What’s MISSING is dialogue. I don’t necessarily believe that those who are operating within the political realm are responsible for the dialogue that needs to happen–I’m not sure if it’s a dialogue that spiritual leaders should take on, because not everyone operates in a spiritual or religious context. The Courage Campaign has launched a petition to invite the Reverend Rick Warren to debate marriage equality. I do feel this debate has merit in so far as it seems that the most vocal opponents live their lives in a religious context.
The emotionalism behind those who support Prop 8 can be, I strongly believe, deflated in the context of dialogue–skillful dialogue. I don’t need or want Prop 8 supporters to align their values with mine: all I want is for them to take responsibility for how they define and value marriage (as we have seen, often in the context of their church) while understanding that not everyone defines marriage in the same way.
In order to re-achieve the ideal of a separate church and state without taking everyone’s definitions of marriage personally, we need cultural dialogues that acknowledge the different values at the table. Americans seem to have a difficult time being in the same room with people whose values are vastly different from our own (or perceived as such).
For anyone angry with the notion of listening to the other side (when our side, the marriage equality side, is so clearly being discriminated against), I encourage you to try and articulate without judgment why anyone would support Prop 8. You don’t have to agree, just observe without evaluating.
I WANT the straight-marriage-only people to have forums where their values are honored: just NOT in my legal system. I want to continue to marry same-sex couples legally. I believe that the clearer we can articulate both sides, the more easily we can get our church & state back in their separate spaces where they belong.
